Be the best you can be, but be who you were meant to be, who God intended you to be, not what your Ego tells you to be. Most of us have not realized that there are several different voices that we hear in our mind. What we work on is discerning between these voices. Our ego is tricky and has a voice that can be authoritative, which is commanding, a voice of passivity (permissive) that allows you or others to take advantage of you, and a fake spiritual voice in which it pretends to be your guidance. All of these voices oppose each other, they each have the same amount of control over us. Within myself and working with clients I have noticed that each one of us lean towards hearing a more passive ( permissive voice ) or the authoritative voice.
I will give an example of my own: I tend to hear a more commanding voice more often from my ego. In the past I would decide to go on a diet and this voice would be extremely strict of what I can eat and does not give any wiggle room. I am at work one day and I see that someone brought donuts in and I hear in my mind, “wow there is one of my favorite donuts”! And then I hear, I have been doing so well on my diet, I can eat the donut and then tomorrow, I’ll just go back onto my diet! And so what do I do, I listen to the voice and eat the donut, not understanding the complexity of the Ego and its hold on me as I think it is just my thinking voice. Those 2 voices are diametrically opposed to each other and are in competition for control over us. I learned this understanding from Margaret Paul’s Innerbonding framework. Neither of these voices are correct, they are both unloving, irrational and we are not to listen or follow through from either one of them. Think about how many times we start something and do not follow through, it is because of these opposing voices. This takes a lot of practice.
Being able to make these distinctions are very important, because each one of these voices are connected to thoughts, feelings and patterns of behaviors when listening to them. No one taught us that these voices exist and they are the mind chatter that is so pervasive in our head. These are the voices that make so much noise that it makes it difficult to hear the gift of the Divine voice within us, our soul or intuition, which ever you prefer.
The only voice we need to listen to guide us is the Divine voice. Staying in tune with this voice takes time and practice and does not come easily. One has to train their mind to be silent from the chatter of the Ego. The way to do this is through meditation since you are able to be still and quiet and notice the chatter of what is happening all day long in our minds. The more you get used to hearing this chatter and the content you can now start to discern what is from your Ego and what is from the Divine within.
The more you practice this, you start to let go of worries and fears that have been driving all of us. When you have more clarity of hearing your Divine voice you will also understand that you have an internal compass for everything you need, that your life is Divinely driven and protected. You will also open yourself up to any other spiritual guidances you might have within. It will lead you to a life of peace, purpose and creativity, if you allow it.
We need to forgive ourselves and others for not being perfect.
Not forgiving is poison to our soul.
Forgiveness melts our heart and expands it. Holding a grudge just suffocates us with poison and contracts our heart. When our heart contracts everyone around is negatively affected. When we turn away from forgiveness we are looking for validation orrevenge and neither works. We become toxic, whether we see it or not. There’s no real justification for failing to forgive. It changes nothing. It can’t change whatever happened, whatever caused our hurt and pain. We try to attain perfection when really as humans there is no such thing.As a soul, we are already perfect; we are not broken. Our ego looks at our life’s experiences and believes that we’re broken and need to be fixed. Our ego blames others for the brokenness that it thinks it sees. With our ego in charge, we then try to fix others because we see them as the broken ones.
In truth, we are actually only seeing a reflection of ourselves. We don’t need to be fixed; we need to be healed from the belief that we are broken and flawed in the first place, or that others are broken. We must accept our feelings and be compassionate and loving towards them in order to heal them. Having feelings of hurt, sadness or anger does not mean we are broken. When we take responsibility to heal our feelings with love and compassion then we can release and let go of them. This is a difficult concept but I am going to try to explain it the best I can based on a thought that came to me recently during a meditation.
Because we have labeled traits, feelings, form and everything else as good or bad, negative or positive, pretty or ugly and so on we are assigning these labels to different parts of us whether it would be body image, thoughts, feelings or behaviors. Due to this labeling we are causing separation within us, such as: this part of me is good or this part is bad, this is acceptable and this is not.
Think of a prism and visualize that each facet is holding or reflecting a separate part of us we have deemed good or bad. We have tolerance for certain facets and not for others based upon what our ego tells us and what we have ‘learned’from our generational programming. Our job is to stop assigning labels to these facets and accept the prism as a whole. That whole piece of glass is perfect with everything in it, no matter what it is. All facets in the prism combine to make the whole, and this is the perfection.
For myself, my prism facets would include my soul, a sad part of me, a happy side, a vulnerable side, a fiery side, a responsible side, very focused, unfocused, irresponsible side, a funny side, a serious side, independent, dependent, my ego, etc.
Most of us are looking for perfection or only seeing ourselves worthy if the whole prism is reflecting only good or positive things, acceptable traits we learned from society. This will never happen because we are, of course, human. The point is that the prism is already perfect, even with the dichotomy of all the different facets of us. It gives us depth and makes us who we are.
The pressure and stress of creating and maintaining an illusion to hide what we deem as negative is killing us. You can see how this gets projected out into society when we are not tolerant of certain parts of us that do not fit into what we think of as mainstream society, what is acceptable…what we look like, what our job is, our age, disabilities, performance, abilities, etc. And then we throw in our ego with its faulty belief system and we are a mess inside. We are then creating this same mess on the outside. Seeing each of the many facets of our self as being separate and distinct, some of which are good and others bad, causes us to react internally/externally in anger, aggression, judgement, passivity, avoidance, control, self destruction, passive compliance or apathy. We are acting out of the intolerance we have for our own self. This is why there is so much hatred and anger in the world. Too many of us do not accept that we are perfect just the way we are, flaws and all. If we cannot accept ourselves how can we accept others or have tolerance for those that we see as being different from us? We are projecting our ego’s perception of our own ugliness out into the world.