The Spirit’s Journey
We are all living life the best we can within the context of our awareness, including myself. Life can be difficult in managing all of the complexities of what occurs on a day-to-day basis or season to season. Many times we feel like fish swimming upstream against the current. The tremendous power of the energetic pull of the trance to go unconscious into the ego state and victim mode never ceases to amaze me. It is vigorous and fierce. I personally, need to keep rebalancing my energy daily and remind myself to have respect for this Spiritually orchestrated cosmic force that is designed to keep us in a trance or should I say cover us in a veil of unconsciousness.
The trance creates the illusion of duality because we appear to exist in two separate worlds at the same time. The Divine and the earthly world. The illusion makes us think, feel and believe that we are human. It also dampens the ability of our Spirit to remember it is God consciousness having a physical experience. Some might liken it to a dream.
The awakening process of our Spirit creates a tremendous shift in perception and understanding life through a Spiritual lens versus an earthly lens, which ultimately matures and expands our heart. Much of the growth starts when our Spirit remembers that it is Spirit in a human form, and working through the myriad of complex irrational human systems, feelings, Karmic/Soul Print energy, and matters that it would not normally endure which are created so masterfully by the ego. It is similar to navigating an obstacle course that affects us on all sensory levels, but no one taught us the game or gave us a map.
This is why we need to connect within, back to our Creator, Home. It holds all the maps and direction for our life journey. Reconnecting and gaining the trust and faith needed to follow Divine guidance is the journey in itself. Reconnecting to this unconditional Divine love is pure bliss.
I need to do breath work daily to stay present and gain access to my heart so I can ground myself in Divine truth throughout the day. This is where I find my Spiritual guidance to help me navigate the energetic Soul Print maze we need to journey through. I need to stay in my knowingness and not what I was taught from my life experiences. It is only through our Creator that I receive truth, direction, healing, nurturing, love and Spiritual Re-parenting. This helps me understand what my unique journey is about and learn the individualized awakening life script that was written for me (and for all of us) to follow. This moves me into my Divine calling.
It is this very contrast of life that is the conduit to Spiritual learning and the evolution of our Spirit to awaken to its Higher consciousness and mature. It leaves me humble that I can call on such Divine grace for myself as I waffle down my path. We are One with the Divine. It takes courage to keep swimming upstream. It is the journey of our Spirit and what we all came here to do.
As part of the spiritual journey we learn about self-love from receiving it from our higher-self and guides. Eventually we need to internalize this and learn how to lavish it on ourselves. As I write this it is a lesson that I am still focused on. There is a terrible rebellion from within against doing this, from our wounds and our ego. Our ego is what makes us feel guilty for taking time for ourselves and it is the same voice that tells us we are not doing it good enough when we do take the time. I had never learned how to put myself first in a loving manner nor had most of my clients and I don’t mean getting my nails done! Learning how to cherish every part of you, your needs, and what is best for you does not come naturally. It is learning how to become a loving nurturing mom to yourself where you make good decisions for you, set boundaries with yourself and others and unconditionally love yourself no matter what you are doing or feeling at the moment.
The rebellion makes everything outside of us more important than us. If someone needs something, I can’t say no, I don’t know how to turn my phone or email off, etc. Our wounded internal children do not know how to receive our own love and the ego distracts us from doing it. What I found is that when I started to take the time to nurture myself, feel my feelings and have love and compassion for myself it was done very hastily. I would give myself 5 minutes and then I was done. My ego was still tugging on me to get onto the next thing. The 5 minutes was a good start but it was abrupt and it does not create safety within you. We need to see it as a problem when you are willing to give something outside of you more time than yourself. (I realize we need to work, that’s not what I mean).
I started to think about things that I do even if I like doing it and how much time I give it versus what I give to myself. So let’s separate some things. I can write all day because I love to do it, but if there is no balance within me, I am not truly taking care of myself. I would give a lot of time over the years to my work, cooking, children, cleaning, going to the gym, my husband, social time, doing my hair or putting on make up but not sitting down with myself and asking how I am doing. What am I feeling? What has my heart been yearning for that I have been depriving it of? What parts keep crying to me that I have been avoiding? This is part of the reason that we don’t take the time to meditate and journal consistently.
There is something so strong within us that wants to rebel the love and time that is needed to become balanced within ourselves so we can become balanced on the outside. This rebellion to get quite and indulge in self-love is a force to recon with. It feels like war inside and this rebellion never stops. We need to be persistent in the quest of allowing us to be the most important relationship we ever have.
Our ego comes with being human; it is a part of the brain that controls fight or flight. The ego believes it is separated from God/Spirit, everyone and everything. This is the judgmental, negative, prideful, shadow side of us. The Soul and ego are in direct conflict and always fighting for control. I believe that the ego is spiritually purposeful to help our soul evolve to higher levels of consciousness. The ego knows nothing about love but directs us all day long. We have all learned to listen to the voice of the ego as our own voice and believe what we hear is true yet there is no truth to what it says. Our ego projects onto our outer world what we believe unconsciously about ourselves. It actually creates a mirror for us to see ourselves in others both positive and negative. Our Soul’s job is to awaken to this mirror and remember that it incarnated into human form, transcend the ego, and learn to live with the ego within a harmonious state. This is a lifetime of work if not many more.
So what is Self-love? It is a difficult concept since most of us have not witnessed or been taught what it is. I thought self-love was taking care of myself spiritually, emotionally and physically, which can be an extension of the meaning. In exploring myself with the help of my Spiritual guides I have been learning that it truly means loving ourselves without judgment. Whether we are in the highest form of ourselves, which is Spirit, who is pure love, joy and compassion or whether we are in our ego and full of fear. Fear gets manifested in many ways, behaviorally and emotionally such as, anxiety, frustration, anger, performing and controlling so we feel comfortable in our environment.
As a human being it is normal to waffle back and forth from being our highest to our ego. Our Spiritual journey awakens us to all of the complex intricacies within us and calls on us to learn discipline and love for all of the dichotomy within us being a beautiful blend of spirit and human. Our life quest is to align more with our highest form (Spirit) and less with the ego and to accept and love ourselves regardless of which part is present or not. By the way, this takes a lot of boundary setting and self-discipline within us and outside of us.
Our Spirit lives in the present and our ego lives in our unconscious world where everything is an illusion and then a projection of that illusion. As a human we have both of these extremes happening within us and that will never change, although we work diligently to remain present so we can be in our highest form the majority of time. If we can develop self love by understanding the immense task we have taken on to awaken and master ourselves it should bring the same love and compassion for others as they are also in the same trance of the ego and are trying hard daily to understand themselves and life, just as we are who have already embarked in the awakening process. Self love means accepting the whole of who we are not just when we are in our highest form.
We are to transcend judgment of others and ourselves. We become aware of behaviors but that is different then judging. Something that can help take away some conflict and judgment of yourself and others is while we are walking an awakened spiritual path remember that we are all helping others whether we are in our highest form or in our ego as we role model to each other what needs to be healed within. We are all student and teacher. I learn from watching my own behavior and what I witness in others. If I see others as broken, I see myself as broken since everything outside of us is a mirror image of us. Judgment is pure belief in brokenness, which comes from the ego. We only need to stop believing that we or others are broken. The only way to do this is by walking a Spiritual path of awakening, enlightenment and remembering that we are all innocent, sinless and the same.
Over the years I’ve worked with many clients who did not want to journal. I have heard lots of excuses and used many of them myself at times…
”I don’t have time”
“I don’t know what to write”
“It’s not going to help anyway”
“I don’t want to see what’s inside me”
“I’d rather think about things than write them down”
“I’m afraid someone will read what I wrote”
“If I write things down than I will have to do something about them”
“I will have to take action then”
“I don’t like to write”
“I don’t write well”
I can go on and on. Journaling is an amazing tool and it provides a way for you to understand your feelings, track your progress and hold yourself accountable.
There is no right or wrong way to journal or an ideal time for journaling. It is your private journal and no one should read it unless of course you want them to. You need to be totally open and honest with yourself. You don’t want to edit what you write as if someone else was going to read it. It does not matter if it is sloppy or that you make grammatical errors, no one is checking your work. I like to journal in the morning, some people journal during their lunch break or at bedtime. You fit it in your schedule where it works best. It should be something you look forward to doing, quiet time for yourself.
If you would rather type than write then you can journal in your computer by opening a word document and start with the date, type your entry and then save the document. You will want to go back to the same document the next day, type the date in and start your entry, then save when completed. This way you have one journal document. I have had clients that like to use the “notes app” on their phone as well to journal. I prefer pen and paper myself, my thoughts flow much better. You use what works best for you.
If you have trouble knowing what to start writing about, just ask yourself, “how has my day been going, what was good, what was bad, what did I notice about myself or others today, ” whatever comes up as an answer to those questions is what you write down. You never need to start at the beginning of a story like a narrative, you know all of the stories and the writing is for your benefit. It should become automatic writing, or a stream of consciousness, or whatever pops in your mind.
You NEVER judge what you are writing, even if you don’t like what you are saying, it doesn’t matter. You are eventually going to see differences in thoughts, feelings and behaviors. Some people say that their writing is scattered and all over the place or that they keep writing about the same things over and over again. It is all okay, you are just seeing what is going on in your head and you cannot fix or heal anything unless you are willing to look at your truth and be honest with yourself. No JUDGING just OBSERVING what your thoughts and feelings are. We don’t judge a feeling or thought as good or bad, this is what the EGO does and this creates all of the shame and guilt we feel or hide from ourselves.
I can write for 5 minutes or 5 hours, it depends on what wants to come out. I just stop when I am finished. Do not be afraid to look inside, you already know every story, and if you feel fearful of what you write, it is just something for you to learn about yourself, heal it and build confidence in knowing that you can handle your own feelings.
Keeping ourselves in balance emotionally, physically and spiritually is an awesome task but over time it gets easier. Everyday and sometimes more than once a day we need to check in with ourselves to see if we are in balance, in tune, present, conscious, and taking great care of us. It’s like taking your car in for a checkup, and we have to look under the hood– we need to do this with ourselves daily. So many of us are busy with today’s life, taking care of children, partners, co-workers, friends, family, our homes, jobs, etc. that we forget about ourselves. We are exhausted. Many of us are hooked on the adrenaline rush and the cortisol flowing through our body that we just keep moving to the next thing as fast as we can. We are killing ourselves with this flow of chemicals in us that is created in our own brain and is manifesting in physical illness, medical problems, relationship issues, anxiety, depression, eating disorders, behavioral problems to name a few. When I started my journey, I found an app for my phone that is an insight timer and I set it to go off several times a day to remind me to check in with myself since I would forget due to unconsciousness.
Our Ego likes it that way. It does not want us focused on ourselves because then we would have to feel our feelings and the Ego does not believe we can manage them, nor does it want to deal with them. Our Ego is striving to be noticed, to be affirmed, valued, gain self worth from the outside, it does not care about you in the way it needs to. The Ego is totally irrational. We need to stop letting it drive the bus because it will drive you straight over the cliff. No one told us not to listen to this irrational voice in our head that we have been listening to all of our life. This is also part of the soul’s training, to overcome the Ego, with LOVE, we’ve never been taught this.
We all have the power to create balance within us and for each of us that might be something different. How do you balance yourself, your life? For me, I need to start my day off with prayer, meditating and journaling. It is how I center myself. It is how I go forward with the rest of my day. There are other things I like to do like dancing (I do this at home), swimming, cooking, spending time with friends and writing. It is very difficult to fit all of these things in a day and unless you are not working, it is not always possible. You do the best you can to balance your weeks so that they are dosed with things you like to do and fit them in as you can. By keeping your mind and heart balanced is where you start. Sometimes I have to take some quiet time and rebalance myself more than 1 time a day, depending on what is happening in my life.
Life will always throw you out of balance regularly, it is part of getting you prepared, like an obstacle course, you are always in spiritual training as a soul. Sometimes we can’t help what happens that throws us out of balance but we need to be present and aware of what is happening so we can use our skills to get back into balance. We all make choices every moment of the day and lots of times we can make a choice or series of choices that throws us out of balance because we are making them in an unconscious state of mind. The Ego loves when we are in this unconscious state of mind because that is how it controls us. I was amazed at how many ways the Ego is tricky and can get you to be overly strict with yourself or be totally permissive! The Ego can be disguised as both sides of the same coin. You are offered a caramel sundae just at the time you’ve put weeks into eating right. Ego says, “Don’t you dare have a single bite of that sundae, you always succumb to weakness!” or “Go ahead, you’ve been good for weeks you deserve a treat.” Interesting isn’t it?
Do not get frustrated or beat yourself up each day as you try to rebalance yourself. Deep breathing is very quick and always brings me back to center, clears the clutter out of my mind, so I can start over. When I first started on this journey I was using deep breathing at least hourly if not more often as I became aware of everything I was suppressing and all my feelings wanting to come up at the same time. It felt like lots of energy, anxiety and mixed emotions. Although this sounds scary, it is manageable and is part of the Spiritual Awakening. Your soul is saying, let’s go, let’s get all these feelings out of here, we have great things to do, we need to heal them and let them go, they are taking up all of our creative space! Deep breathing and journaling was my go to and still is when needed.
Balance is only elusive to the Ego. We can train our behavior to reset at various times of the day for a Balance Break….try it!
Being happy and positive is a choice. Most of us grew up with no understanding of this. Our Ego has been in control for so long that sometimes it is hard to stay in a state of happiness or joy. Our Ego will always take it away. It is important to catch yourself during the day and recognize when you need a shift in attitude. It is easy in our lives to become distracted and focus on what is wrong, worries and fears rather than everything that is right. (Writing out a gratitude list can always shift your perspective)
It is a simple shift in consciousness/perspective. We need to become present to catch this. We are used to someone else or an event to shift our attitude but on a spiritual path it is actually your responsibility to learn how to shift yourself. Something that helps me is that if I see I am feeling negative, frustrated, angry, anxious, depressed, fearful than it is my ego in control in me at that moment, hour, day, week or month sometimes, stuck in a trance. I ask myself is there really anything wrong in this moment? There typically is not, “All is well”, I just went unconscious again! That is where the Ego lives and wants you to stay there, it is it’s home. I also use a friend’s mantra of Everything is Working Perfectly and in Divine Order, and it is, you can also pray for more light and clear your mind.
It is our job to see, hear and feel what is happening inside of us and shift ourselves into a positive mind frame. We are not to blame others for how we feel, behave or our attitude. No one controls or makes us feel our emotions or behaviors but us. It is the Ego that believes everyone else is responsible for how we feel.
If we are in our Ego then our heart is closed and shuts off the flow of love going in and going out. We are here to grow our heart by opening it. One of our huge tasks as a soul is mastering our ego, our internal world. This is a life journey in itself so be patient and compassionate with yourself. Remember what we feel is what we project on the outside. The idea is to project from our heart, happiness, joy, love, abundance, creativity and purpose around you and not to bring negative events, lack, or anger.
Have an awesome day living in light and positivity, it makes you radiant!