by Debbie Goldberg | Jan 8, 2021 | blog
How do children and adults acknowledge, process and let go of their pain when their home life or environment does not or did not feel safe?
Bullying is really a cry for love. It comes from a fear-based belief that we need to protect our self. People bully others when they feel scared and out of control. A bully is really looking for comfort. It makes them feel that they are safe and not themselves a victim. Bullying provides a false sense of security, protection from a fear that they are going to be attacked emotionally, physically, sexually or in some other way. Most times this behavior comes from experiencing or witnessing trauma or victimization in their own past.
Bullying is an ineffective coping skill, a learned behavioral adaptation designed to keep the bully safe at the expense of another. All that bullying really accomplishes is to build walls and shut out love. People who have a history of trauma or carry energetic imprints that include bully/victim patterns (which is most of us) will continue to project these behaviors into all of their relationships and experiences in life. Many times bullies are called narcissists.
It is important to hold a space of love and compassion for someone when they are bullying. God doesn’t want us to take their behavior personally. It has nothing to do with us although, if we look deeply and truthfully within our selves, we may find that the bully that we see in another is just a mirror reflection, an unacknowledged part of our own self.
So many of us have an inner bully, the ego, the critic that wears us down; or maybe it’s a young wounded inner child that has not healed. Whether it is the bully within or the bully on the outside, we can only shift or transmute this energy through love, not by meeting it with force. Love is the only healer.
Journal Entry 10/8/18 – a conversation with God
God:When you cannot contain your thoughts or emotions they spill out of you. When you learn how to hold onto them and can bring forth love, compassion and acceptance for yourself it is perfect; it is Spiritual maturity.
Me:I thought we are not supposed to hold back our thoughts or feelings…that we are to stand in our truth.
God:I know this is confusing. You can admit your thoughts or feelings to yourself or write about them, or you can blast someone with it. You can also choose to speak your truth with love and tact. It’s another thing when you are losing control of your thoughts and feelings because you are no longer present and are stuck in Soul Print Energy Consciousness (the illusion of past stories and misbeliefs).
You will keep acting the beliefs out and eventually maturity, an expansion in consciousness will come, meaning that you’ll be able to communicate in a more thoughtful and loving way. This is a learning process and it is all about where you are consciously. We are not judging this behavior as wrong or bad. It is just where someone is on a conscious level at the moment and we want to meet them where they are with love. We don’t want to shame or blame someone when they are only reacting to their own fears. We hold a space of love and compassion. Believe it or not you did a beautiful job yesterday. Although you felt frustrated and scared and started to cry, most of the time you tried to stay present with the conversation and witness your thoughts and emotions.
Me: I know it was important for me to see my own creation of misbeliefs and I am very grateful for that. It was a valuable lesson to shift away from a perception of victim/bully thinking and remember there is only love. I heard you, God, through the other person asking me to stay present and to stay in the conversation and work through the process rather than shut down or yell.
God: Yes, it is very important to work through difficult situations and not shut down, yell or blame someone for the way you are feeling. When you do react, you keep making a faulty belief real when it is not. It is a memory, a perception of an experience or expectation that keeps getting replayed and these situations will continue until you stop believing you are a victim.
Me: I know I called all of this in because it is an energetic pattern (victim/bully), a belief that all my relationships are unequal and filled with conflict, that I am not good enough, not worthy of being seen or heard and that everything I do is wrong and upsetting to others and that I can’t make anyone happy. This repetitive childhood pattern needs to be healed.
I know I am not responsible for other people’s actions, communication styles, or what they say. You have taught me not to take things personally and that I did not do anything wrong. In fact, I get to see a pattern that I need to stop reacting to because there is no truth to it. On another level, I understand that I am only witnessing my own conscious/unconscious thoughts through others communication or actions. An external view of my own internal dynamic, the war within. However, at times it still takes me a while to see it from a neutral perspective.
I also understand that the other person is a mirror to myself. I know I am just looking at me, maybe at another time in my life when anger or harsh words flowed from my mouth; or how I can be my worst critic and torment myself because I believe ego thoughts. My initial reaction is to pull away from the person when I understand I am just pulling away from an aspect of myself.
That part of me is so angry because I still feel my fear of being victimized. I want to just back away and disconnect from my feelings of hurt and anger but I know I shouldn’t do that and really, I don’t want to. When I feel bullied I can feel so raw and vulnerable and I really don’t like learning about myself by seeing myself mirrored in the actions of other people, although it definitely can be very effective, God. I don’t think it is fun.
I know you said that I could look at it as invigorating to actually see a destructive behavioral pattern that needs to be healed rather than just being emotionally drained by it. Nevertheless, when I’m confronted by that kind of abusive behavior I feel I need to be on guard and typically shut down.
I don’t like when someone gets verbally aggressive with me. It is how I felt as a child when family members would act that way, and it just makes me go into protection mode, withdraw and close my heart. I know I should not do this. I know I need to keep my heart open and be compassionate and loving to both of us.
I want to accept all of me and love all of me, not judge any part of me or anyone else. I guess this is having a relationship of unconditional love for all aspects of myself and for others. It takes Grace to accept each one of us where we are. I must admit I still feel a bit shell-shocked.
As much as I don’t like coming face-to- face with these different aspects of me it brings forth so much light and love and shifts everything. All of my faulty belief patterns need to be exposed so the light can heal them. Only then do I understand my authentic self. I can’t do any of this without you, God, your love and support.
God: You are doing a great job noticing all of this, Debbie. It is okay. We discussed what the process is and you will start to integrate this part of you. Do not project brokenness, Debbie. You are perfection; you are seeing the whole self.
Me: Part of me is angry. I don’t want to have relationships where I am going to be the brunt of people’s outbursts. I don’t like it. Am I supposed to tell people that I am not a garbage dump for their anger?
Hmmm, I am not a victim so no one can make me feel that way but me. I don’t have to take it in and own it, their behavior is not about me other than for me to see the mirror and learn compassion of how I do this to my own self. I get a front row seat to the battle between ego (victim/bully) and my higher self that goes on in my head all the time. God, Is it my job to keep surrounding myself with people like this so I can learn unconditional love, or is it that I chose not to create this in my life anymore by transmuting the pattern?
God: The pattern only shifts by embracing it with love and not feeding into it. Stop projecting that you have to protect yourself. You are loved as you are and you are safe.
*This blog does not advocate violence. If you are in a violent situation please seek help immediately.
©Debbie N. Goldberg
A Divinely Ordered Life Book Series- https://amzn.to/2IDcf0z
by Debbie Goldberg | Apr 24, 2020 | blog
A New You – A New World – A Paradigm Shift in Consciousness
Since December 2019 I have been Divinely guided to understand that a shift in consciousness was coming. In fact, it has already taken place. It is a shedding of our beliefs within the illusion of ego consciousness. Many of us already know that life is akin to a dream, and that we have been steeped in something called Soul Print Energy Consciousness (SPEC), which essentially is the fear narrative of the ego. I am reminded that the ego is not real; that the consciousness that I have long believed is driving me is just an illusion that has created a belief in duality and separation.
The paradigm shift is releasing all of the beliefs and stories that come along with ego consciousness (SPEC). We have been living under the influence of an illusion. Leading up to this paradigm shift, many of us that are awake have come to understand the illusion of ego and have worked diligently to stop believing in those thoughts, beliefs and constructs. Yet, we still talk about the illusion as if it exists, which only serves to perpetuate it. This is nothing to feel guilty about it just means we have to work harder at not falling for the old stories.
Moving into the new world is moving into higher levels of consciousness in which belief in ego no longer exists, even though we might still see remnants of it. We are moving into a state in which we are more open and allow ourselves to be guided by our Divine Blueprint. What is interesting is that we are indeed only Divine, yet we believe through the earth experience, that we are only human due to the illusion of separation. Our Divine identity has never changed. We are always in harmony and in balance with our Creator as Oneness, yet our experience of an earthly life has led us to believe otherwise. It is an intensely powerful illusion.
In my meditations I have been seeing a huge sailboat sailing peacefully over a beautiful tranquil sea in which Divinity and humanity embrace and enjoy the journey inextricably united together. There is no destination, just the journey. It is a journey of letting go and saying good-bye to the old-world system of beliefs, in which there is an unbridgeable separation between humans and the Divine.
I ask God if we are sailing in uncharted waters and He says, “No, this is the new world.” I recognize the sailboat is a metaphor for understanding the amazing shift that is happening in our consciousness. We are in a dream within a dream, moving out of a three-dimensional consciousness and into an awareness of a higher vibration, a higher level of consciousness, the vibration of Love. We are returning back to more of our natural Divine state as we keep awakening from the illusion and are willing to accept our Divinity.
All these changes are taking place within a new chapter of an increased awareness within our dream. As our awareness expands, the vibration of Love becomes a state of being, not just a feeling. It is a return to who we truly are. After all, we have never truly left our Divine Home; we have only taken time out for dreaming.
It is truly a miracle and magnificent gift to participate in this Divinely orchestrated theatrical stage of life and to intend and anticipate with joy the great unfolding of oneself and the world. This awareness and this new understanding or perspective of perfect Divine order brings a sense of relief and peace; when we come to understand and believe that we are One Mind, One Love, Divine Consciousness/God – Infinite Intelligence experiencing a creative dream.
Each of us awakens/ascends at a different time and pace. Therefore, there is still work to be done as we and our sisters and brothers continue to struggle with the belief that we still need to be healed from our brokenness due to our perceived separation. As we experience life we often look for healing, it is normal and part of our human process. Acceptance of our innocence and Divine Holiness takes time.
As we journey, it is very important to continue to feel our feelings and process the energy. It takes love, kindness and courage to allow ourselves to feel in order to transmute and transform lower vibrational energy back to love so that we may feel in balance once again; and yet this too, is also part of the illusion for the Truth of who we are is never out of balance. In Truth, no one is broken. No one needs healing. We ARE Divine perfection. The only thing we need to be healed from is faulty beliefs and what we perceive and experience as negative experiences. We just need to detach from the belief in ego. It can be just as difficult to let go of ego consciousness, as it is to accept our Divine perfection, yet this is the transformation and paradigm shift in consciousness that is happening right now.
We need to be patient, loving and compassionate with others and ourselves as we transition into a more internal harmonious environment by accepting rather than judging the diversity of our nature. As this acceptance occurs it will manifests into our outer world. As we journey into higher awareness, we understand that the energy of Love is all that exists and anything that we perceive as something other than Love is all part of the grand illusion. It is only when we remain tethered to the illusion of ego consciousness that we succumb to the irresistible impulse to judge and label everything as good, bad, right or wrong. These judgments have created the faulty lens through which we have viewed and perceived all of our experiences. Nothing is ever happening to us; it is all happening within us. Our ascension into awareness is always ongoing, however, it can be a sudden or slower process. Either way, it is Divinely orchestrated and a unique experience based on each person’s journey. There is no need for attaching labels or imposing judgments about Divine timing.
Moving into the new world means letting go, as your mind allows you to move out of the illusion of ego consciousness/SPEC. It is very important to stay in reality with God – Divine Truth, as the veil of unconsciousness continues to fade. The more time you can spend quietly listening within and following the prompts that you hear, the more smoothly and peaceful your journey will go.The paradigm shift is within you. You are moving into a higher awareness of Divine consciousness and as the process shifts within, you will see it manifest on the outside. Allow, accept and let the process unfold within you. It is Divinely guided. No resistance, frustration or expectations are necessary. Allow yourself to ‘just be’, no pressure, no ‘I should’ or ‘I shouldn’t.’
Even after we discover this wisdom of Higher Consciousness, it does not change the fact that we are living this dream. As we navigate away from a state of ego consciousness, these faulty beliefs and illusions may still linger, but we need to remember that we have an amazing role to play in humanity and can go about our roles in a much more light-hearted, heart-centered joyful way. Letting go of the ego’s judgment makes it easier to enjoy the journey and respect what we and others came here to do, which is to spread love and light with our unique gifts.
Stand in your beautiful perfect self without excuses and own your true identity. Everything starts with you. You create harmony within as you keep letting go of the old illusion, leaving old constructs behind and the beliefs from the whispers of ego. The only way to flow into this new world is by staying in peaceful joy, anticipating goodness and trusting your Creator to bring you into a more loving, kind, and harmonious world, a new you, a new dream. Show willingness to trust in God to change you and you will experience profound peace even though you cannot see the future. Trust with your heart not your eyesight.
Your transformation will be taken care of from within. God shifts your awareness for it is governed by a Divine timeline. Believe your transformation is already done by becoming deeply rooted in Divine Love, trust and its security and protection. Stay present in each moment, in your knowingness and remember that you are an eternal flame of love and light having a virtual experience. Feel the gratitude within your heart knowing that you are always deeply loved, guided and at One with the Divine Creator of your life as it expresses itself through you and as you.
By Debbie N. Goldberg
A Divinely Ordered Life book series on Amazon